So I read this blog sometimes, http://www.memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/ if you haven't ever read it you should. Sometimes I think she is a bit over the top and sometimes I think she is amazing and strong. She seems to forge her own path with her kids and not really care what the rest of society thinks. Which I think is a lot easier said than done. Her last post is about how actions speak so much louder than words especially to preteens and teens. I have been thinking about this so much lately with Winter. How I or everyone in her life can tell her something but our actions are sometimes sending a much different message and sometimes it's the message of our actions that she is getting not the words we are saying.
Teenage years are hard, I think back to being a teenager and how you think your parents are so lame with their rules and whatever. Oh my how these years suck as a parent. You want to allow your kids to do things but not get in trouble, you want to send the right message that will build them into strong responsible adults, its a fine line, actions vs. words. You never know which message your kid is receiving the one your telling them or the one your showing them.
Winter is a bright amazing girl, who yes has fault and yes I see it all the time, her grades have slipped this year she seems to not be so interested in dance as she was last year, she has been very caught up in drama that just makes her feel bad, how do I teach her to let things roll off her back? I don't do it. I have spent hours upon hours crying in my room over the last several months, letting other people make me feel bad about myself, yet I am telling her to not listen to other people, to let things go. How can I expect her to do that when I am letting her watch me be weak, letting other peoples words get me down, letting other peoples actions cause me pain.
This post rang loud for me. I want to show her to not let people define me or her, I want all my kids to learn to define themselves for who they are and what they do not what other people tell them they are. I know this post was about media and other things but it gave me a message that was needed right now. As parents it is our job to teach our kids things and put our foot down when it's something we don't want our kids seeing or hearing. I feel such a greater responsibility these days in teaching my kids to make the best decisions in life. To do the things that are right and honest. That means making choices that my kids might not like and other people might not like but they might be best for my kids, and to hell with what other people think!
What do you think? Do you think your actions send the same message as your words? What areas can you work on to send the right or same message? The hardest part is when they say well so and so's parents let them, you catch yourself thinking, do they? well I think they are a good parent so maybe, I guess you should always go with your own gut right? I always say to Winter well I am not so and so's parent but then I find myself questioning or changing my mind. It is hard to stand your ground when everyone else is doing it so to speak. Let me know your thoughts.
Silver Lake / Big Cottonwood Canyon
5 weeks ago
3 comments:
I never care what other parents are doing you have to do what is right for you and for your family. Sometimes I am more strict and sometimes more lenient.... it is such a hard line and I do think actions are such a big influence on kids, I remember mom one time going back in to pay for shampoo the store had not charged her for and she was super poor at the time, I will never forget that example I was thinking you could have those few extra dollars but at the same time so proud of her honesty and it was a life lesson you are honest no matter what!! It was a lot more memorable then her just saying you need to be honest.... I just hope I am showing my kids the right things..... or that they can at least learn from other great adults around when I am lacking!! Mistakes are made by everyone and that is when we own up to them and use it as a learning tool to talk to them also about why it was a bad choice and the consequences of the choice. This was a good post I needed a reminder from you and Clover lane to mind my p's and q's because we are always being watched!!
Like Tiffany said, actions do speak louder than words, and our kids watching us model admirable behavior speaks volumes. That said, some of my most memorable conversations with my Dad, that have had the most influence on me, are the honest ones where he was like, "I'm not always the person I want to be -- here's how I wish I'd handled that situation," or "I don't always do a good job with this, but here's where I want to be working on . . ." His honesty made it easier to approach him when I made a mistake, and it helped me see what the ideal was, even if we sometimes fall short. It also made my Dad more accessible, since he was admitting he wasn't perfect; but I also knew what he valued, so it gave me something to work towards even if he hadn't modeled the behavior perfectly. We can tell our kids where we wish we were doing better, and they'll have something to strive towards even if we're not the shining example in that area . . . and they'll be more comfortable coming to us when they fall short, because we've already showed them there's no shame in admitting where we're not perfect and trying again . . .
I really like this quote that applies to this situation. "Your actions speak so loudly, I can't hear what you say."
I totally agree that its who you are and what you do as a person, and not what you say you are. Its easier to tell yourself or others you are one way, when really your not that way. It's totally in what you actually do.
Not to say Mom and Dad weren't amazing parents, or that you shoudln't have family home evening. But we never had Family Home Evening, scripture study or family prayer but I think we learned better by their examples what kind of people to be. I think all of us kids are kind people, willing to do anything for anyone, wanting to provide service for others. Mom and Dad emulate Christ like behaviors so we learned from that. I think that is every bit as important and effective as teaching to be like christ. Which is the point isn't it. To be like christ.
Not sure if this makes sense but thats my opinion.
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