A few years ago when I was turning 20 I found out I was pregnant with Winter. I thought that was the hardest time in my life. Moving home from a place I loved, having to face all the disappointment from myself and others. Trying to re figure out my life plan, dealing with judgement from others. It all seemed to work out for the best and I am so grateful everyday that Winter came into my life. I think in order to meet Mike and have the 3 beautiful kids we have together that had to happen to me.
Fast forward a few years I am now facing what I think is the hardest time in my life. I am trying to figure out how my life is suppose to work out from here. I feel lost everyday. I don't think a day has gone by in the last 3 months that I haven't cried and I DON'T cry. There is sadness all around me and I don't know how much more I can handle. I have amazing family on both sides that have been there for me, but nobody really understands how hard this has all been. Some days I struggle just to leave my bedroom. Thank goodness for kids I have to take care of or I'm not sure I would leave my room.
Sometimes we get so lost and its so hard to find our way back to the light. I hope everyday that the light will show itself today and yet it doesn't seem to happen. How much is to much for one person to handle? I think I am about to my limit! Here's to hoping tomorrow is the day!
St. George Trip
4 weeks ago
5 comments:
I worry you have no idea how amazing you are and I am so proud of you and the way you have handled all the difficulties of the last several months. I am heartbroken that you have to go through all of this. I hate see you hurt and I (like all those who love you) wish I could change things. I wish I had some wonderful sound advice that would help, but I don’t know that anything anyone can say will soften the pain you feel. I know is you have tried everything within your power to change things. That’s all you can do. We will continue to pray for the rest to work out and that you will have the continued internal strength you have shown so far.
You are strong, smart, and determined. You have an amazing heart. You are a great mom and the best friend a girl could ask for. We love you so much! Please let me know what I can do to help.
Amber, I really, really hope that light comes soon. You deserve it.
Take care of yourself, and go easy on yourself, and I hope you're through the worst of everything and life is on an upswing before you know it.
This makes me cry, I sit next door knowing your heart is broken and have no idea what I can do... I can tell every day that you have cried and it breaks my heart!! I can tell the days that are worse and that you don't come out and I don't know what to do, I can't stand it... I so badly want to take the hurt away from you. I'm so sorry I don 't do or say the right things to give you that light! I myself wonder how much more you can take too but I know you are strong and amazing and can get through this and will be even stronger in the end but please let me help along the way. Natalies comment at the end reminds me of the help.... but it's true, you is strong you is smart you is good. Baby steps forward is all you can do and that light will be there eventually! I love you more then you will ever know you were my first answered prayer and I could not ask for a better sister!!
Amber, Natalie & Tiffany's comments are perfect. Please know you are so loved. You are a very understated, kind person. I will never forget you dropping a little gift off before Ragnar as a "knock em dead" type thing. And your texts as we were facing OUR hardest time in our life thus far earlier this year. I wish so badly I had an answer for you, or some sort of magical fairy dust that I could sprinkle all over your home and make things all better. You are a tough little cookie lady, and one of the funniest little firecrackers I know. I know I never tell you this, but I am so thankful I get to call you my friend. (You're a big fan of my boob hugs...admit it!)
I love you. I love your family. I'm here for you. Please know that I would do anything for you!
I am sorry that you are struggling right now. I know how hard it is to feel like you are up against something bigger than yourself. Let me know if I can do anything snd take care!
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