I am failing at many aspects in my life right now and can't seem to find the way out. Mothering, I suck, left my kid screaming at school today tears and all and that was after an hour long battle to get dressed no breakfast, yelling not a happy way to start the day. Being a wife, not so great seems like we never have time for each other, and stress makes the time, strained I guess.
Housekeeping, never complete I don't know how people have clean houses all the time with everything put away and time to do fun things I can't find the balance, which is another way I am failing as a mother. I feel like I do everything I am not teaching my kids to clean up after themselves because after 50 times of asking it's just easier to do it myself, and my kids know that eventually I will do it, I suck!
Friend, well I don't really have any friends so I must no be a very good one. I know that peoples lives go in different directions so it makes friendships different but other than family I don't think I have any friends and family doesn't always count and besides that they all have friends they would rather spend time with or talk to. I am not the most positive, fun loving person I think this has something to do with it but I am who I am what can I do about that?
I am watching my kid struggle so much right now and it is killing me, I feel like nobody gets that. My family thinks I give in to her way to much and it is mostly my fault she is the way she is because I am not consistent enough or whatever. Mikes family thinks its my fault because I favor Winter. Mike thinks screaming or smacking her would solve the problem and I just sit here clueless. I am not equipped to be the mother of my own child and I don't know how to fix that. I am a failure!
7 comments:
I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it. I think that we all go through moments like this. Even the people with the clean houses, I don't think their lives are that perfect either. I think that some people spend a lot of time working at painting the picture of a perfect/happy life but really it's ain't so. I'm not finding that I love running like I used to either. It feels like just one more thing I have to do, and it's work. I was thinking just earlier this morning how envious I felt over all the mothers that get to stay home with their kids. But in the same breath I recognized that that isn't always easy either. It comes with its own challenges. Sometimes it is just easier to clean up after the kids than to nag them a million times to do it. I do that too.
I DO understand what it's like to watch your own kid struggle and not feel like you can do anything about it. I hate the constant reminders of all the things that Baylee can't and won't ever do. I hate that I don't always have the patience to deal with her meltdowns. It may not feel like it right now but Zarley will find her way. You are a GREAT mother. I have always felt that way.
I am your friend. We were friends before you married my brother.
Well crap. I typed a whole long response that the computer just ate. :-(
Anyway, the gist of it was this:
I'm sorry.
I feel like I can relate. You know when you're playing in the waves at the ocean and you get caught up in them and get turned around so you don't know which way is up and you don't know when you're gonna be able to take a breath again and it gets a little scary -- that's kinda been life lately for me. Sick kids, stresses in life and home plus feeling isolated and cut off (probably, in part, because of the sick kids). I feel like my family and my Mom in particular think I'm a 'wimpy' Mom or something because life just has me more stressed and off balance lately -- my Mom, as much as I love her, is like 'super Mom', with an immaculate house and yard, and my Dad was ALWAYS out of town when I was growing up, so she pretty much handled all of it and five kids solo -- then there's me with three kids and a helpful husband, and she thinks I'm so lame that I get as upset or stressed as I do. So then I stop answering her phone calls, 'cause I don't want to hear the sounds of disappointment, and so then I'm further isolated and don't have anyone to talk to during the day. I've dropped the ball on a lot of my neighborhood friendships too, I blame the weather and the sick kids, but I think it's probably more honestly a bout of introvertedness I've apparently developed lately.
And I've totally dropped the ball on the exercise thing -- I was doing SO well, and I've lost all the strength and endurance I'd fought so hard to gain earlier in the year, and that's pretty much depressing. I need to get outside more with the weather changing -- like take the kids to the park and do laps around it while they're playing. If you ever want to join me, just let me know!
I really do believe that there are just 'seasons' of life that are harder. And then they equalize a bit and things get easier. I'm hoping a change of actual season and weather helps with this too.
Oh, and I firmly believe that kids are born to parents who are uniquely qualified to deal with them. We know and understand our kids better than anyone else -- and we're better equipped to handle their problems than anyone else. I just haven't figured out how to get the excess emotion and stress out of the way enough to always keep from handling things so completely wrong that I just shake my head in bewilderment about some big blow up or something I just had with a 2 year old.
I have this theory that if I just let myself stress less about some of the things on my plate, the others will get easier to handle . . . but I haven't really tried it yet . . . maybe I should . . . I could let you know how it goes :-)
I cope by accepting that there are some things in life that I cannot control, and focus on changing the things I do have control over. Easier said than done.
Reading how you, Kerry, and Hilary feel, and knowing that I have many similar thoughts, I do know we are not alone, and we are not failures.
My house will probably never be as clean as I want. I will still have to work despite wanting more time with Quinn. Dalan and I will not see more of each other anytime soon. Most of my friends "abandoned" me when I had a preemie. I have been stuck indoors for almost a year!
But, I can't control most of these things (except for the clean house part.) And I am learning to be ok with this. I have met new friends. Dalan and I try to make the most of the time we have together. Spring is coming. I like my job.
Good luck! I'll be thinking about you!
Amber I am so sorry you are feeling this way!!! I wish I could help!! Send your kids my way anytime you need a few seconds to yourself... Or head on over and leave your kids at home and I can make you a treat and we can talk;-) call me if you need anything love you!!!!
Firstly Amber, never underestimate what a good mother you are. Secondly, I know that Zarley's issues, have nothing to do with Winter. They are Zarley's issues, and we absolutely do not think it is a direct result of you spoiling Winter. Her challenges are not your fault! (In fact they are no ones fault) It WILL get better. Zarley is a very special little person and we love her to death.
Every child is an individual and they have their own individual challenges.
I also believe that children take it in turns to need your support.(by default there can only be one having challenges at any given time). This just happens to be Zarley's time. These things will pass, trust me!
You are probably the busiest you will ever be, with your children making demands on you and your time. The housework will always be there!
Take time for yourself. Love yourself, you have every reason to. You have a beautiful family who love you a lot.
Doe-I am so sorry. You are a good mama and the fact that you worry so much proves it. You have beautiful kids and a hubby who loves you. Everyone feels like they aren’t coping at times. When I don’t feeling like I am drowning, I feel like I am treading water. I think it is normal.
Even though we don’t get as much time together as I would like, I will always be your friend above anything else. We need to just make it a priority to do more Bear Restaurant dinners. I really think Zar will be okay. She is a good kid that has this determined intensity. She is a fighter. I wish I had a little more Zarley in me at times. It is probably what will make her successful in life. I wish I had the answers to your struggles. All I can say is you don’t suck and I love your guts and would do anything to help you.
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