So this week in my fabulous life, Things aren't getting much better but I'm still trudging through. Zar isn't getting much better with the whole potty mouth thing, or her fits, she screamed in my mother in laws face this weekend which was embarrassing to say the least, her fits are getting worse those that she use to save for home are starting to appear in public and around others. So we went back on track this week so not expecting things to get any better any time soon unfortunately. Tried chili powder in her mouth and as I anticipated it didn't work. The result was her screaming in a demon like voice that I was a bitch and stupid blah blah blah. why was she having a fit you ask? oh because I wouldn't give her ice cream because she had been saying bad words. Not only was she screaming and swearing but she was spitting everywhere. Bedtime has gotten to be quite a task as well she told me that bedtime isn't easy for her because she hears things at night and cant go to sleep. So Monday night she was screaming and crying about again ice cream I calmly laid by her rubbing her back til she fell asleep. That was very difficult.
Tuesday, oh what a day. It started off terribly which was just the beginning if only I had known I think I would have stayed in bed all day. Zarley wouldn't get up or get dressed I tried several times to put her clothes on her myself but with no success, luckily Mike got home and he held her while I dressed. Pretty sad when it takes team work to dress your 5 year old. Later that day her friend Jaxon was over playing and Canyon was over while his mom was at dance and they all decided to give each other haircuts. Oh and Xavier as well and they cut Owens sheets to shreds. What was I doing you ask? Folding laundry trying to do one of the weekly or daily chores of a mother on a rare moment where someone isnt in my face whining and crying for something, thinking the kids were playing nicely. I asked them what they were doing and they said nothing. Stupid me I believed them. Xavier has been horrible lately he just wants me to hold him all the time, him and his little blanky. So since he wasn't screaming and holding onto me like a little monkey sounds and all, I thought I would get something done, Big Big mistake. Canyon got the worst of it, his hair all had to be chopped off and he now has a super short haircut, and Jaxon has a big chunk out of his bangs, looks great. Owen has almost a bald spot to fix it the only thing I think that would work is a buzz, not going to happen. Zarley just has a lot of uneven parts in the back still debating a stacked bob to fix hers. Xavier well his is all uneven to. Great mom right. The rest of the night was all right until bedtime I laid down by Zarley again and I think I fell asleep first.
Wednesday still struggling on how to handle the swearing and fit throwing, no consequence seems to phase her, I've tried throwing away toys when she says bad words, she just goes and gets a barbie herself and throws it away, tried giving her jobs to do, she doesn't care, tried the chili powder, resulted in worse swearing and spitting. I'm at a loss right now and starting to feel like throwing in the towel.. I don't know what is going on with her and having a hard time figuring it out. I asked her today what would help her be nicer and not say bad words. she said: "Not ever going to school again."
We are trying something new tonight for bedtime I gave her my I-pod and some headphones so she wouldn't hear the noises, so I guess we will see how it goes, She is still awake right now but no noise coming from her room.
So any ideas anyone? I am listening. until next time...
Silver Lake / Big Cottonwood Canyon
5 weeks ago
7 comments:
??????? I'm at a lost sorry no help. I would really go see a counselor though with her it can't hurt. they are usually weird but they might have some ideas.... or at least talk to your doctor something is not quite right (as Miss Clavel would say)I'm really sorry I can see why your so frustrated.... and by the way I've been wanting to try Canyon's hair short but haven't dared to.... now I know why we keep it longer he has quite the noggen with it super short!!
Oh honey, I'm SO SORRY you're struggling right now. I know exactly what you mean about trying to get things done thinking the kids are playing nicely...Hayden is the king of getting into EVERYTHING when I'm trying to do ANYTHING. I hope you don't think I'm mad at you by any means. Dang kids should have known better. FYI I think Canyon looks cute with short hair ;-) and I LOVE the idea of a stacked bob. (careful with that word...I spelled it boob before I corrected it hahaha! I'm so mature.) Anyway, I think it's time for the doctor or counselor to assist, for you AND Zarley. Sometimes an outside opinion from some one completely disconnected from your life can be all you need. I'm here for you...so when you feel like you need to go for a walk, or need a break from it all...call me and I'll come hang or you can drop the heard off over here. I don't mind. It can sometimes feel like you're drowning when you can't figure out how to help your child...and that's all you want to do...help them.
Ugh, I'm SO sorry! We haven't hit that age yet, so I'm at a loss of any useful advice (but I totally hear you on the clinginess of the baby -- Ellie's 18 months old tomorrow and she's been clingier and whinier this last month that she was at like 9 months old! It's like only Mommy will do, and she wants me to hold her and cuddle her all day long, and she screams if anyone else (even my Mom, who she usually loves more than anyone but me) comes near her. It's frustrating, 'cause I'm tired and morning sick and just want a break from her. I don't even know what it would be like if Annie was acting up like Zarley is at the same time Ellie's being clingy. I'd probably send them both to my Mom's house for a day or so!)
I wonder if at least part of it, besides just being a phase, is the stuff you've mentioned like tonsils . . . I just remember with Annie, she was this impossibly difficult baby with such a short fuse, then they put tubes in and she became a thousand times better. If Zarley has something that's physically bothering her, that could be a huge part of it! I know I'm super grumpy and pissy when I've felt awful all day long, so maybe a big part of it is physical stuff and once it gets figured out, it'll be a huge relief to her and things'll calm down! Good luck!
I think there is a lot going on for little Zarley and in her five year old mind she cant deal with it. She started off the year just fine but then struggled with making friends at school, so school became a negative experience for her and now she hates it. She has problems seeing and there is a lot of talk about it around her, so she knows her eyes are a bad thing, but she still doesn't fully understand so she probably is bothered about it internally. She gets a lot of attention for doing naughty things so she continues to do it because somehow its feeling that void she has. I know that ignoring her wont work, but you need to find times when she isn't being naughty to give her some positive attention. She probably needs alone time with you where she can feel special and loved without everyone else around. Some people can handle a lot of sibling and some people can't. I think she struggles with it, because her personality requires a lot of attention. Which will forever be a struggle for you and Mike to fill. Have you ever watched worlds strictest parents? Well if they can correct these Shitty teenagers and their 16, 17, 18 years of bad parenting the surely you can correct Zarley and her bad behaviors. I know I am not an expert, but I think Tiffany is right you should take her to see a counselor. Most insurances will cover so many visits for therapy.
Oh man, I am sorry. My sister threw monster fits until she was seven or eight years old. We have pictures of her under the coffee table crying on Christmas morning over who knows what? Something minor that totally set her off as the rest of us were happily celebrating the holiday.
I have taken more hours of behavioral management classes than I care to remember, and in my experience the thing that gets the most results is ignoring negative behavior (the best that you can...I know that is not always possible!) and rewarding positive behavior. Have you ever had her on chart or point system? She could earn her ice cream, a later bed time, etc that way, and maybe feel more in control of her choices.
Good luck! The good news is my sister did out grow her fits, and now is a lovely, and well-adjusted college student.
Oh Amber! I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. What was that clinic or counceling that your doctor told you about? That is what I would try. I am sure they have seen a lot worse and can help out. If you want some time alone with her you are welcome to bring the boys over. Maybe getting her tonsils out will help. I am guessing it cant hurt. Please let me know if I can do anything.
This behavior can grind you down, wear you out, chew you up and spit you out! Best thing I ever did was follow the verbiage to "kill em with kindness!" Basically you validate, validate, validate. Everything that comes out of your mouth should be a positive statement, unless there is imminent danger. Let me tell you, when you have a hard child this can be a big, almost impossible task, BUT keep pulling yourself up by your boot straps and move forward. The other verbiage is this...."pay now, or pay later!" Use all the facilities around you to figure out the problem and use them wisely. The better the teaching examples the better the learning. It all takes time, and a whole lot of patience. Good luck! Aunt B
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