To Mike

So I am not one of those people that talks about how they have the most amazing best husband in all the land because I think it is silly. Everyone wants needs expects different things from their spouse so who is to say whose is the best?

However I can say that I have the hardest working spouse that I know. Mike works ridiculous hours and he works hard and does a great job and he does it all for his family and I know that I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate him for that. about a month ago Mike was rewarded with employee of the quarter at his place of employment. I just wanted to take a moment and tell him how proud of him I am and how happy I am that he is finally getting the acknowledgement that he so deserves.

Mike and I are going through a real hard time right now and our future is uncertain. I am not an easy person to live with and I appreciate him for putting up with me for the last 10 yrs. I have been in other relationships which is no secret, I thought that I loved other people or that other people loved me but not until Mike came into my life did I realize what real love felt like. He has loved me more than anyone ever has in my whole life and I have been so lucky. I won't say he has been the best husband ever and God and everyone knows that I haven't been the best wife ever but we have made it through a lot. No matter what happens I just want Mike to know that I love him and appreciate all he has done for me in our life together.

Love always,

Amber

Lake Powell 2011

Well we made what is now our annual pilgrimage down to lake Powell. We kind of wrapped three trips all into one. Amber and I try and get away alone with the kids each year just our family and we had the White Family trip and finally the Howard family trip all wrapped into one trip. I think it went pretty well to be honest.

The mini Howard trip:

Well we planned on heading out right after I got home from work. I got off early in hopes of getting a head start down there did not work as planned but we still left in a good timely manner. The White family trip was at Bullfrog which its actually been a few years since we have gone there it was a nice experience. It was nice to see lake powell filling up again as well. After getting on the road a little late we did arrive and get the boat in the water and what seemed like forever to find a spot. The spot was not that great but lake powell has changed a lot with the water levels so there was very limited spots. We did find a nice cove to go to. The only problem with the spot was the stupid ledges that would appear out of nowhere. I think we all kicked a rock a few times. Not the best idea. But we got settled in and got to spend a little bit of time in the water before dinner. We were limited with space so we were going with simple tin foil dinners both nights. We struggled a bit with the chicken but we nailed the steak. We had all of Saturday to send by ourselves we did some rock jumping and got some good family time.

White Trip

We meet the rest of the Whites at the docks on Sunday although it was very nice to spend some alone time with just our kids it’s always good to spend time with our outer family as well. You always hear people complain about their in-laws but I got very lucky with mine it seems I was excited to have everyone join us. Most of Ambers family feel the same about lake Powell as we do so it’s nice to share that excitement with them. We loaded up the house boat and it seemed to take FOREVER! But we did get it loaded and on the road so to speak they decided to go with a spot that was closer to the Mariana and so Amber and I went back to our spot to pull down our tent. (Sorry for abandoning our kids on the house boat) But we took down our tent and got back to the house boat to start our second leg of the trip. We had some good times. Survivor lake Powell, The rope slide, me in a speedo, painted nails. It was a great time. Best time of the second leg had to be watching my mother in-law getting up on skis for the first time in years. I am not overly sentimental person but seeing Kathryn go through what she went through lose a leg and still not let that hold her back from skiing was a very amazing moment I was so happy I got to be there and experience that. She is one of the most caring, brave, loving determined women I know. Great Job she hiked a mountain, skied and lived life again it was great.













Howard Extended
The final leg of our trip we pulled out the boat in Bullfrog and drove down to Page. My parents camp at Wahweap. Which is still lake Powell just a different experience. Its nice to be able to swim at the pool. The kids like the clear water. Its great to be able to shower and get cleaned up and still experience Lake Powell. We got the world famous Dave Howard camping breakfast in a mini version. We got there kind of late on Friday got there and set up camp and had some dinner and went for a late night swim at the pool. The pool is usually freezing balls cold but this time it was not actually that bad. Went back to camp and went to bed. We got up the next day and took the kids to the pool while the adults got to take the boat out and start there Lake Powell vacation. Baylee meet some new friends she always seems to. And then Amber and I got to get out on the lake for some evening wakeboarding. When I picture lake Powell in my head its at dusk and its still warm and the water is flat as a board. Some of the best wakeboarding out there. And the last day we got some afternoon tubing and then the weather turned south so we showered and went to another Howard family tradition the Mexican food. And we headed home.

I absolutely love lake Powell. When people tell you to picture your happy place that’s what I picture. I love sleeping on the house boat roof and the starts damn there is a million of them out there. Love the random conversations with people. Rock jumping seeing my little girl jump off the high rock. Seeing Owen getting the courage to go off rocks too. Watching X-man’s now famous cannon balls and going down the slide. Winter growing up so fast. Now she is driving the boat while we loaded it. Listening to Amber as she discovers our retirement plan. Camping with my mom and Dad and getting to eat the Howard camping breakfast. Zarley was so excited to show my mom how she can swim. Watching Kathryn hike the Indian ruins. Just spending some time with family and friends. It was all family but I consider them all friends. Oh and pink nails Can’t wait for next year.

I just want to know who drank all the damn drinks? Oh the kids that’s right. I suggest they don’t drink as much next time.

Peace out Bitches

Happy Birthday Owen Gregory Howard

This is becoming a tradition a day late. Well if you know me then you know I am just that kind of guy! So onward with our story about Owen, or OEO, or OZO, or OGO, Ozeboz, or Buddy. You cannot have a better first son then Owen. He really is that kid that wants everyone to be happy. He looks out for his best friend X-man. They are a perfect match.

During the summer he has the whitest hair you have ever seen. It’s always nice to see his hair color change because you know summer is coming. He is a boys boy. He loves to play outside He cannot wait to get up and go outside and it really does not matter who is outside or what they are doing he just loves it. We are working our way to sports he is a little shy when it comes to that stuff but loves anything outside.

So after Amber and I had two girls we wanted a boy naturally right? Well for the first time Amber wanted to wait and not find out the sex. We figured it did not matter to us what he / it was we would love it so we might as well just let it ride and see what pops out. Much to the frustration to everyone. Like I understand peoples frustration but still I hope they understood why we waiting. It makes that phone call to tell them that you had the baby all the more exciting when you tell them that you have a boy (Speaking as a father)

So amber and I just went about the pregnancy not knowing and not caring at first I think it bothered me because you almost want that boy so bad that you just want to know. But in the end it was well worth the wait. Amber did offer to tell me for father’s day what the sex was but at that point what’s the point?

So Amber goes into labor and is having these pains that she says no I don’t need to go because I don’t want to be sent home. I can understand that but what if? So I finally convinced Amber it was time to go in. So we went in to the old cottonwood hospital and that’s a good drive from our house. We sent Zarley and Winter to Tiffany’s and so we track on down the freeway to get there. ( Me speeding, See X-man Post) get there and the nurses are like nah this is not time. So they tell amber that she is basically having fake contractions as she is double over in pain. They gave her some good pain meds and I was told come back when you’re really having your baby. So we track our asses back to our house with out a care in the world for gas prices (bitch nurses) Amber is told here we will give you some morphine and if it’s not stopped in 4 hours to come back. (As if gas was being given away) so we get home no real point in getting the kids so I go back to bed and Amber pretty much just sits on the alarm clock waiting for that 4 hours to expire. Sure as shit it does. No baby and still pain. So we head on back to the ER again another opportunity for me to try and use the old I am having a baby excuse to get out of a ticket. We show up and there is a new set of nurses there and they are pretty much like WTF why where you sent home. We were like WTF were we supposed to do?

Couple hours later we are in the delivery room and amber is throwing up. (She was embarrassed) not sure why I think that’s okay to do that in that situation. So OEO comes out and first thing we see are legs and getting excited to see our baby and he comes out ass cheeks up so I thought girl. They rolled him over and boom boy!

Happy Birthday OEO love you king to my throne! And to the nurse who sent us home you still owe us a few bucks gas money.

Mike Howard

Happy Birthday Xavier James Howard

Three years ago we had our X-man. Our final child and we could not have ended on a better note. As what has grown to become custom with us we did not find out the sex of X-man. Figured it did not matter. We had our girls and our boys so it really did not matter what he was we knew we would love him. We also knew this would be our last. This would complete our Family circle.

X-man started with a little bit of trouble. I was working graveyards at CR England (Still am) and I was actually outside in our car taking a nap. Amber called me and said I see blood. Talk about scaring the shit out of someone. I ran inside and told my bosses sorry I am leaving I need to go. Amber called to make sure she could wait for me and I drove home as fast as I can. I picked up Amber and we were off to the new IHC hospital. Do you know how bad I wanted to get pulled over. I mean can you beat that excuse with a cop. I am having a baby as he looks over to the passenger seat and sees your wife with that look on her face. I know I would get out of that ticket! This was my last chance and I did all I could to get that damn pull over. Drove fast in the car pool lane. Right where they wait but it did not happen. So we made it to the hospital and I remember thinking god I hope my baby is okay. We have had problems in the past and you never feel totally at ease until they are out and breathing and all is good. Once we got there the nurses hooked amber up to the machines and all that. They did not seem concerned with the blood. So once we were okay from that. I thought (this is the first time I am admitting it so . . . ) Dame she better have this baby or all my co-workers are going to think I am full of it. I had been up all night and now was looking like I would be up all day. But we did deliver well Amber delivered a healthy baby boy.

So yesterday our little man or X-man turned 3 yesterday. I am sorry it’s a day late. But better late than never at all. We had a good weekend to celebrate X-man turning 3. If you have not met him you will have to take my word for how damn cute this kid is. I know that every parent goes on and on about how cute their kids are but this kid is amazing. He is so fun and loves his brother so much and is just a fun kid to have around. Just this week he was telling Owen how he was acting like mom and said, “Owen clean up your toys now!” This little boy is the most grow up 3 year old I know. People say he just follows Owen around but he really does not. He joins in the fun. He is his own boy and does what he wants it just happens to be the same as his older brother and cousins and friends. He is what you picture a boy to be so rough and tumble and gets into trouble. Not bad trouble just the mischievous trouble. This weekend I was playing with the boys on my bed and Owen was doing summersault off the bed. I was holding their hands as they did. Owen landed a couple in a row so he said dad I don’t need your help. Well this time he did it and smacked his head against the bottom of my bed. He was crying and Xavier asked Owen if he wanted him to hurt himself too. With this concerned look. I am sure that every parent dreams of their kids growing up close. I have no doubt that these two boys will grow up to be the best of friends. It must be easy being the youngest. Surrounded by older brothers and sisters

"You have a Friend In Me"

what is happening to us

I have had a lot on my mind lately about what is happening to us these days and what a disservice I think we as parents might be doing to our children. I know everyone posts about this all the time and we all say we are guilty of it at times as well, but it doesn't seem that we do anything about it.

This last Saturday Mike went to Wendover with some co-workers, I had been at work all day and didn't want to make dinner besides it was memorial day weekend so we should do something fun right? Winter went to Lake Powell with my dad so it was just me and the 3 little kids so I let them pick. I am sure you will all be shocked to hear they picked McDonald's. So my kids got one of their awesome toys from Kung Fu Panda 2 and they were playing in the kids area Xavier came to tell me that some kid had taken his toy, So I went in to help him find it and this little kid had it, he was smaller so I told Xavier to just ask him nicely to give him his toy back, the kid wouldn't so I thought well we are at McDonald's they would all get the same toy maybe that one is his so I start looking all around the kid area for another toy laying around I don't see anything. Then a little switch happens Zarley set her toy down and Xavier picked it up and she thinks the same kid has picked it up I thought she might handle it better then Xman so I let her think it was hers missing and not his (upon further thought I can't help but think that is what happened then she took his so she had one) anyway we are looking for a toy and cant find one so I tell Zarley to go ask for another one well they won't give her another one they say she has to buy one for 1.82. NO way am I paying another 1.82 for a toy I will throw away when I already bought 3 kid meals. So I tell her sorry that's just how life is sometimes. Then I notice the little boy going home with his family, I notice the parents or grandparents( I really couldn't tell if they were parents or grandparents) anyway they are the couple that was sitting right on the bench watching me and my kids look all around for the damn toy, I also notice that they are leaving with 3 kids 3 toys, and only 2 kids meals. Really 2 kids meals? I was so angry yes it is a stupid toy but you obviously only bought 2 kids meals and and your littlest guy now has a toy, and you sat there watching me look for my kids toy, and your OK with it. That's what really got me, what are you teaching your kids, that it is OK to take someone else's toy, umm I hate to tell you but that is stealing. Zar was so upset she said that isn't fair she bought that and it was hers. I told her she was right and to remember that feeling, if she ever feels like she wants something of someone else's to remember how it feels. (not a lot of sympathy I know but I was really annoyed).

My next thing always causes a lot of controversy. So my teenager often says words she shouldn't I know that and Mike being a bit more sensitive than I am gets very angry, I like to pick my battles and also know as a teenager I said things that bugged my mom and knowing they bugged her made me want to say them even more, like singing the one potato two potato song (about farting). I am also guilty of saying things I shouldn't and I have been trying to be better about it. However there are certain things that bother me in this new politically correct world we live in. certain words that we use to say as kids and kids say now and have never been nice but now if you say them your a bigot hater. The part that bothers me is that they can say them and that is OK, I will go ahead and let you in on what I am saying since this is sounding much to cryptic... Fag and gay are the words Winter uses that she shouldn't but right now that isn't my point. The "N" word also falls into this category. If it is an offensive word isn't it offensive no matter who says it? Why is it OK for them either homosexual people to call each other fags or whatever but it is offensive if I say it, or for black people to call each other the "n" word but nobody else can say it I just don't get it. In that same thinking what about gay parades or BET. Would a straight parade or all white television be as accepted or would anyone involved in that be considered a racist or bigot? I just don't understand the double standard. Now go ahead and have your fits everyone.

My next thing is about competition or the lack there of, Winter competes in dance a lot. This year was a interesting yr, we tried some new companies and some of them have gone to this new system where your not against people but you are it is just stupid it kind of goes to this new way of thinking where everyone wins, drives me crazy. I don't pay as much money as I do for my kid to compete against a number system I want her to beat people.... This year wasn't as big of winning year for Winter but she tried a new style and she put herself into the advanced category. Which is another thing a lot of times we see people who have clearly put themselves in lower categories just to win,I just don't understand this I know everyone wants to win but don't you want to improve as well. The answer to this is NO. We are teaching our kids that they don't have to work hard anymore and everyone wins. This is not going to help them later in life because guess what not everybody gets the job or the promotion. The country is always saying we are falling behind in academics and such to China and other countries, well you want to know why? Because we are molly coddling our kids. Guess what peeps China doesn't molly coddle their kids they push them like no other. There is a definite head of the class, or a best hitter on the team. Don't kids need to learn that they aren't the best at everything or that hard work can make you better. My sister runs a dance studio, and some of the things that parents say or do baffles me (sorry Tiff if I ever fall into this craziness.) People always think their kids should be in the best groups and don't understand when they aren't put there. Can parents really not see what their kids are good at and where they are lacking or need more work? Oh and the reasons people come up with for missing important practices it just amazes me. Why aren't we teaching our kids the importance of commitment. My favorite is one mom saying she can't make things or whatever because she is really busy she has 4 kids you know.... seriously? My sister has 4 kids and is running her own business. Don't make the commitment if your to busy. Side note, my kid is the best! ;-)

I know it has been awhile since I let you all into the inner workings of my head, I am sure you all have missed this craziness. I bet right now you are all very envious of my husband and kids because they get to live with me and you all don't. Until next time.

How do you cope?

How do you cope when your having a bad time of it? When it just seems like nothing is going your way. When I was younger I would run or go on really long walks, for a time I would drive to the beach that was only an option for a short time, oh how I would do anything to be able to do that right now. I have been trying to regain a love for running but I have to be honest I am not finding it.

I am failing at many aspects in my life right now and can't seem to find the way out. Mothering, I suck, left my kid screaming at school today tears and all and that was after an hour long battle to get dressed no breakfast, yelling not a happy way to start the day. Being a wife, not so great seems like we never have time for each other, and stress makes the time, strained I guess.

Housekeeping, never complete I don't know how people have clean houses all the time with everything put away and time to do fun things I can't find the balance, which is another way I am failing as a mother. I feel like I do everything I am not teaching my kids to clean up after themselves because after 50 times of asking it's just easier to do it myself, and my kids know that eventually I will do it, I suck!

Friend, well I don't really have any friends so I must no be a very good one. I know that peoples lives go in different directions so it makes friendships different but other than family I don't think I have any friends and family doesn't always count and besides that they all have friends they would rather spend time with or talk to. I am not the most positive, fun loving person I think this has something to do with it but I am who I am what can I do about that?

I am watching my kid struggle so much right now and it is killing me, I feel like nobody gets that. My family thinks I give in to her way to much and it is mostly my fault she is the way she is because I am not consistent enough or whatever. Mikes family thinks its my fault because I favor Winter. Mike thinks screaming or smacking her would solve the problem and I just sit here clueless. I am not equipped to be the mother of my own child and I don't know how to fix that. I am a failure!

Happy 10th Anniversary!

February 24th, 2001 Mike and I got married. It was a fantastic day! I think we have learned some things over the last ten years. Seeing that we don't see eye to eye on much in life we have some how carved a path to life that works for us. So the following is a road map to the wedded bliss that we have perhaps it will help some of you to live the same Fabulous life we live.

10. Learn the other persons freaking ss#, we've been married long enough I know yours why cant you learn mine you know you need that kind of info for random stupid things all the time. Just learn it already for Pete's sake.

9. Learn to love them for there inner asshole/bitch because it's going to come out from time to time. Sometimes more than you would like.

8. Learn to love your spouse in spite of their kryptonite, whether its strep or mice or bed bugs, these things can cause stress if we don't accept it as a weakness and help them through it.

7. Work complete opposite schedules, not sleeping in the same bed more than 3 nights a week, or for that matter seeing each other more than like 30 min a day is always super helpful.

6.Don't be submissive. NO one is going to tell me what to do and God help the soul that thinks otherwise. This kind of an attitude can never lead to misunderstandings of simple favor requests or anything like that.

5. Don't freak out when they think someone else is good lookin, (unless you think that person is totally ugly and it makes you reconsider your own looks) I know we are all married but were married not blind or dead there are still good looking people of the opposite sex out there. Besides then maybe you can get ideas of other looks they might like for role play at a later time... (lol, I really kill myself)

4.Know what not to say to them or in front of the other IE, fag, retard, gay, God Damn, Jesus Christ, or F*%@ in any context.

3. On the few nights you do sleep in the same bed, please be a good bed partner, keep snoring, moving, cover stealing or messing up to a minimum.... Covers are suppose to be a certain way, learn this and don't mess it up.... PLEASE!

2. Remember as crazy as the others political opinions can be, you still love them, and we aren't arguing we are passionately discussing...... Lucky for us someones opinions don't count seeing that they don't have a right to vote in this country. Phewww, we have enough crazies voting as is. For the other you can rest easy this isn't your homeland so why do you care what your crazy spouse thinks.

1. Don't fight over money, Oh wait there isn't any to fight over.

All joking aside, it has been a colorful ten years and I wouldn't change any of it, well I might make some things a bit easier, but then maybe we wouldn't be who we are. I think the trials have brought us closer. We have 4 amazing and beautiful kids that we adore. I have the most hardworking husband ever, and even though I hate to admit it he makes me laugh all the time I would never tell him this but he is pretty damn funny! He puts up with all my craziness and usually only gives an eye roll here and there. He would do anything for me and our family and not everyone can say that some people put themselves first but not Mike. I love you Mike. So per your request I am going to try and dial back the crazy because we have a lot of years left to live together :-)