advice needed asap

So I guess I spoke to soon on our good school days... Today Zar came home with a paper saying she got a think time, the paper said she wouldn't do her work in class and that after 50 min no work was completed so she got a think time..(sigh) when I asked her about it first she said she didn't know then she said she didn't do her work because she was trying to think of the letters for purple. I asked if she asked the teacher for help she said no she said the teacher doesn't help people. From my conversation with her I don't think she understands the think time thing.

I guess I should actually back up a little, on the first day of school first grade doesn't go they each get like a 15 min meeting with the teacher then they start the second day in this meeting I tried to explain to the teacher how we have an anxiety problem and have some things we are trying to work through and I told the teacher that I had a meeting with a Dr. the next day to start the process to deal with this, Well I was super emotional about this and cried (how embarrassing especially with my firm belief that tears show weakness.) anyway the teacher thought I was talking about myself for a minute (adding to the embarrassment) I thought I cleared it up now I am not so sure...
Mike and I went to see this Dr. and we went over Zarleys history and our history and everything anyway the Dr. definitely thinks there is anxiety there his concern was what is fueling the anxiety and he believes there is a possible learning disability that is fueling it (finally someone confirming my own beliefs instead of making me feel like her behavior is all my fault) anyway we decided the best form of action would to be a full evaluation as opposed to just treating anxiety well that appointment is set for Sept 9th.
So back to my problem already Zar has come home with work from school that was suppose to be done in school and she had to finish at home. A note has been sent home saying homework wont start til next week so it isn't homework and I have asked other moms and their kids aren't bringing home papers to finish. So back to today and the think time, What do I do? How do I approach this the right way with the teacher because to me it is clear she needs more help and I don't think the think times are the right approach but I don't want to attack the teacher. I do feel like she is going to be labeled the bad kid or get the feeling that she is bad and whatever. Trying to get her homework done tonight was not fun she didn't want to do it she scribbled all over the paper and said she wasn't doing the work or going to school and I feel like oh boy here we go again.
Well I hope this makes sense I feel like I was all over the place. So any advice on how to proceed would be much appreciated...

First day of school: Zarley

So I am happy to report that we had our first day of 1st grade and actually we have had a whole week now and no major meltdowns. A few minor meltdowns but nothing really Zarley worthy. She got up and dressed on her own almost the whole week. This week hasn't been quite as successful but still no major meltdowns. Wahoo! She is a funny little girl one night last week she told me "Well I thought I first grade was going to be really a lot of fun, turns out its not so much." She also told me she isn't sure she likes her teacher, there is something, she just isn't sure what it is that she doesn't like yet. She hasn't figured it out. In front of the apple tree a first day tradition

Here she is in front of the school standing in her

designated line.

Other good news, her and Winter have been getting a long so well lately she even let Winter help her while trying her on school clothes and She let Winter help her get ready on the first day.

And doesn't she rock those skinny jeans... You should see her butt, she looks so cute.... Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside those jeans?
I had much more emotions about first grade then I did kindergarten I blame my sister as she so nicely pointed out the day before school started, her life will never be the same. Its a full day of school, its not the 2 1/2 hours that kindergarten is then home to play like the kid you are no now it is all day for the next what 16 yrs (including college here) then you have to work. Now that is sad so all you first time kindergarten moms enjoy because next yr is when life really changes.

Whats better the 1 Lake Powell Trip?

White Family & Friends

Lake Powell 2010

By Mike

We made our annul pilgrimage to lake Powell last weekend. Wow what a place. It really it that happy place they tell you to think about when things are not going well. Due to some changes in my work responsibility's I have a little less flexibility with my hours. I got off work at 07:00 well kinda 07:00 more like 08:00. As I got home we put the finishing touches on the packing and I drove some to get us out of town until i started to get tired. Then i hopped into the back of the Excursion and get some Z's as Amber took over. Really the way to travel cause the next thing I know we are pulling into Page AZ. Meet up with everyone one and we were off to our spot. By the time we got there got unloaded and set up as storm rolled in (This will turn out to be a common theme. Once we weathered the storm I decided we needed to get something down for Dinner i BBQ'ed up some burgers in the Tornado/hurricane. We ate some dinner went up to get into bed. And i was so excited to use this new bed set we got for the trip. Minor problem. The sheets, blanket and pillows were missing one key thing. An air mattress. "Lame Sauce" So me and Amber and Winter toughed it out on the floor while the smaller kids got the air mattress's. Day two started like a typical Lake Powell day. Chased out of our tent bye the 100 degree temp inside the tent. Got some lake time in. And then the afternoon storm came in (See) and we all had to rush back and take down our tents until the weather pushed through. For the second night in a row we ate our dinners in our tent. The third day was nothing short of shit! We did not even move the boats out of the beach and just delt with the wind and rain. Until it was dark then we finally got to eat dinner with everyone else. As we talked about it myself and Tiffany had decided that Sunday would be recover day. We were going to hit it early and hit it hard. On the final day Winter wakes me up to tell me that Tiffany and Tom are going out. Recovery day so i had to pull up my boot straps and man up and get in the water early. But really what a good time. Myself, Tom and Tiff went out and had great water. Great turns and really was looking up. Great day finally on the last day. Perfect "Lake Powell weather" And the people that left the night before missed out on the best day. Below are some of the pics from the trip.

Me and the boys looking like bad ass'es

Winter Wake boarding. Winter really set her

mind to it and got up on her first turn and

really did amazing

Zar - Zar riding shoot gun on the Tube

Lake Powell tradition to bury someone. Winter

Xav'ey James gettin his eat on

Weather sucked but Lake Powell is lake powell and i would much rather be stuck there on a rainy sandy beach then here at my desk. Got to love Powell cant't wait to get back with my parents.

So as it stands right now I see my husband for maybe about 24 hours a week, there for my intellectual conversation is very limited I am really starting to feel the toll its taking on my brain. Most of my conversation are with kids 6 and under which doesn't give me a lot of practice using my brain, the 2 days a week I do go to work I am with elderly people who either don't know what I am saying or I don't have a clue what they are saying either way not a lot of brain use is happening for me which leaves me to my own thoughts for most of the week (that can be scary trust me.) So although I am still talking to myself for the most part I thought I would share some of my recent self to self thoughts and or irritations.
1. I cant stand bikini moms, I don't mean moms that can wear a bikini because believe me if I could pull one off I would. I mean the mom that is more interested in working on her tan or gossiping with her friends than paying attention to what the hell her small child is doing. You cant just throw a life jacket on your kid and think all is well. Get in the water and play with your kid or stay home, these years with our little ones are so short soon they will grow up and be embarrassed of us or think we are to lame to hang around with.
2. When did stores and hospitals or doctors office have to post on their doors "no pets allowed"? Call me crazy but when I was little I swear people understood that dogs were pets and they belong at home not in your purse everywhere you go. I know that service animals are the exception so don't anyone get all crazy on me but how often do you go somewhere and people have their damn pets with them. I hate to break it to you people they are your pets, they're animals not your kid if you want something to dress up and take everywhere to show off have a kid. ( yes Autumn you count in this. )
3. I know I have said this before but people without kids, you don't know what your talking about, and its not as easily done as you would like to think so stop thinking those of us with kids are idiots and your going to be such a better parent than some of us.. ha ha I cant wait to laugh at you.
4. when money is as tight as it is around here you start to think about Christmas early trying to plan where the money is going to come from which brings me to my next train of thought, if you don't care to take the time to buy something for someone that they would truly like or if you don't know them well enough to even know what that is why are you buying the gift? For me it kind of takes away from the kindness when its done out of obligation as opposed to I really thought you would like this or I really took the time to try to find something for you.
5. This one will without a doubt get me into trouble. Is it possible to have to much family as in to much extended family? We spend quite a bit of time with both of our families that sometimes it seems we are missing out on making our own family traditions and stuff. So my concern comes from what about when my kids are grown are they going to want to come around when we don't have any of our own traditions in place, hard as the realization is grandparents wont be around forever and eventually extended families grow so big that some splitting has to be done. In my family I think we are getting to that with our Thanksgiving traditions and it seems to be a hard thing to change, So it worries me a bit about my own little family of 6.
6. The last thing that I have been thinking about lately is the realization of how insignificant I am in my world, or the harsh realization that what I might have thought to be insecurities aren't really insecurities after all but actual facts of life. hmm that one really sucks .
I am sure that sounds cryptic and my husband will be crazy mad trying to figure it out its not meant to be just not sure how to explain it after all this is just me thinking aloud so to speak. And lastly for anyone wondering "oh I wonder which one pertains to me, you all have issues if you think something pertains to you that's on you to figure out these are just my crazy thoughts I am not speaking about anything in general just things I have thought about lately with all the time I have to think.. (except for the dog thing that does pertain to some peeps._

Broken hearted

So we haven't had a very easy go of it the last couple of weeks. My M.D tells me its anxiety from the school yr coming to an end. The week we got back from our trip and had to go back to school was less than fun every morning was a battle with yelling and crying one day I left Zar crying at school I always hate that. Every day we left the house crying all the way to school (we've been walking which makes it a longer trip to school).
Everyday is full of phrases I am so tired of hearing, "that's what you get for....., or I hate you because..., or Thanks a lot "(not meant politely) or just crying or hitting etc you get the picture. This week has been even worse than last week, One night Zarley was having a complete meltdown because she had decided she wanted McDonald's for dinner and I wasn't complying with this demand. So the screaming and fit throwing began, I calmly took her up to her room where she didn't stay she came down yelling and throwing things. She slammed the drawer shut over and over until the front of it broke off. She calms down here and there but always starts back up. She said to me in her deep raspy voice, " I still hate you and your still a butt hole and the other "b" word, and your stupid and I wish you weren't my mother cuz your just stupid and lazy, and you didn't go anywhere today so you could go in the car and get me McDonald's but no you just sit on your lazy ass all day and do nuffing, I want McDonald's" followed by much crying. I was proud of myself I stayed very calm where I normally flip out at some point and I think that bothered her she didn't get the reaction she usually gets from me but it didn't stop her.
My pediatrician recommended I take her to the neurological and behavior center which I finally got an appointment for but not till august and my deductible is a separate 800.00 bucks!
Today was the worst, and it broke my heart.... She came home from school in a not so good mood she smacked Owen upside the back of his head because he said something was a butterfly and it wasn't "so that's what he gets" I told her she can't do that and told her to go inside of course she didn't listen so I was making her go inside she was crying and then threw a pencil at my head, it hurt and now I am bleeding and she is screaming I didn't want to make her go inside any more because Mike was sleeping and had stayed up while I went to the school for the dance festival.(oh joy!) and I could tell she wasn't calming down anytime soon now. So my sister said I could put her in her room. Well that brings up another problem, I can't leave her alone, she gets destructive and my house is one thing but I can't have her destroying someone Else's. So I go up with her and I am sitting by her trying to talk to her (its not going well) As I am bleeding from my head and it is hurting I am watching her roll on the ground and cry and trying to tell her that she hurt me and she says she doesn't care. (I really don't know if she does or not at this point her fit has moved to being upset because I refuse to give her back the pencil she threw at me) I just look at her beautiful little face and I am so sad, tears start streaming down my face (I know what your thinking that kid is terrible and she should be smacked or I would do this I have heard it all and tried a lot of it) I know I should be so mad but I am nothing but sad and broken hearted that my little girl is struggling so much and I don't know how to help her and she doesn't know how to stop or change her mood(again Dr. Amber talking) and it is just so so heartbreaking as a mom... Her mood changed at some point but needless to say it wasn't the end of our meltdowns for the day. I hope we can make it til august.

"California 2010"

By - Mike

Here are the pictures that have been promised. We had a fantastic time in California. To be honest I work a lot of hours and really only get to see the highs of my kids. I see them in the morning before they go to school and then for a second in the afternoon before i go to work. And its such a rarity to see me they are excited and give me kisses and hugs and off i go to work. Amber has to do the bed times and homework and house work duty's alone and she has to deal with the fits. Well now that i was around 24/7 I had to help deal with the fits. They had to deal with me getting mad and honestly took a day or two to get used to each other again. Pretty sad when you think about it but, "It is what it is" Once we got over that hump i think we started to have a really good time. I was supposed to leave work early and get home and start the trip but that did not work out as planned. I got home late and tried to throw the things in the car and do the final packing and take the dogs to my moms. So we got on the road later then expected. Amber and i had decided we did not want to tackle the full trip in one drive so we decided our first stop would be Vegas. We stayed in the Golden Nugget which has decent rooms and a really cool pool. There is a shark tank in the middle of the pool that you can swim around and there is a water slide through the middle of it. I was the only one who actually went through the tank. When we got to Vegas and checked in we swam for a min and then changed and walked Fremont street. The kids were less then impressed. But after that we went to bed got up and headed for S.D. We stayed at the Double tree in SD best hotel of the trip. Got some swimming in and went to Christopher's and Erin's meet and greet over desert. Got to meet Christopher and put a face to this wonderful guy Erin keeps talking about. And as the kids were getting restless i took Zarley, Owen, and X-man to the beach by the house.

Brother and Sister in the Evening.

After the meet and greet we went back to the hotel. Grandma Sharon got all the kids the City pass's from Costco. This allows you 1 day at either San Diego Zoo or Wild Animal Park, 1 day at Universal studios and 3 days at Disneyland. Amber was indifferent with what we do in San Diego so i thought since SLC had a zoo we would hit the Wild Animal Park. And the the Wedding in the evening.

Family Pic @ the W.A.P

Third SD day we went to Sea-world. I can say I was less the impressed based on past memory The shows are to showy not a learning experience. One good shout out to Sea world before the Shamo performance they did give a standing ovation to the past and active military from both the US and its Allies. And in the second performance we were at i was proud to sit by a marine who just returned from Afghanistan. Call us the bad parents but we never really got around to lunch while at seaworld so the kids were starving. So Kerry and her family mine and Christopher and Erin all went to a California favorite In and Out. Not the same as before because now we have them in Utah but non the less delicious.

Star of the show Shamo

Don't between this kid and his shake, he will fight you for it.

Middle Day between Disneyland we went to Universal Studios. I really like it. I enjoy movies and think its fun to go too. Plus I got to see Georgy Frances and thats never a bad thing. There was the live action show that Owen loved. It was a water world theme. Which was a crummy movie but was a good show. I think Owen loves anything with guns, fighting and fire.

Winter probably does not understand the story behind this posted but like a true champ played along for her dad and took the picture.

Now for the big finish, We actually went to California to accomplish three things. Christopher and Erin's wedding, Disneyland and some family pictures on the beach.

Here is the family picture with the Star of the show Mickey

Owen and Dad playing along with the Buzz Lightyear ride. . . . I won

Xavier loved meeting Woody.

Big Sister and Xavier with his first Mickey Ears

Owen and X-Man in the store buying there ears. There is no picture of this but I did buy Owen and Xavier there first Dodger hates. And Xavier summed it up when he said in the store while trying on the hate, "Cute"

Finally the last day we got our family pictures on the beach and met up with Christopher and Erin for the last time before heading home.

We really had a great time. I could not have asked for a better time. Got to spend some time with the people i love the most in the world. Some of the highlights were getting to buy the boys there first Dodger hats, and Mickey ears. Getting to take Xavier on his first real roller coaster. We kinda snuck him on Matterhorn. Spending time with my kids i am sure its cliche to say but i miss my kids and feel I miss a lot int here life but was lucky to get to spend some time with them. Next big trip is Mexico time to start to save again. Even the car ride home was great. Amber, Winter, Zarley, Owen, Xavier I love you and miss you already....

We had a great time in California. Wish i could share some pictures with you but i spent all day before work looking for my cord to my camera only to give up and come to work. Damn thing was in my desk draw. Sweet i thought. Then i started to look at the pictures and got about 3 pictures into it. And the stupid battery died. Damn! Pictures tomorrow.